scatterbrainiac’s blog

Notebooks slipping from my hands while buying printers and A4 papers (ala pebbles dropped by hansel and gretel), enrolment booklets doing magic acts of disappearing and reappearing, water tumblers playing hide and seek, and splashing canned sardine sauces all over cream walls.

Yep.

The semester has begun.

And it seems to be that the scatterbrainiac (actually just scatterbrain, the brainiac character's existence has yet to be determined) so essential to my young self has decided to make an appearance in my late teenage years. A groan is on cue right about now. Mad expressions, the hair loss due to extensive pulling, and the likes.

But ah calm is near reach nowadays, prayers and with a little of the boy's smile to cool me down =)

I need new music, so please do be kind and list down some suggestions =D

I have 5 days of puasa left to replace, and 1 nazar to be done immediately.

I don't like it that when I want to blog about my 1st weeks in my degree there is a big-boobed woman standing next to my compose box. Die fecking woman-degrading game ads, die!

I find it strange that I am more entertaining when I'm cripplingly depressed.

But then again the sardonic hatred for humanity and the funny reflexes only emerge when I am not happy. Gah. Writers aren't allowed to be happy now, are they?

When I look back at the happy bubbly entries I've written, I literally feel my blood rush up to my cheeks and my insides shrivel to curled meat pieces.

Just don't cancel plans on me last minute, bitch

Aite. I'm quite the tear addict, aren't I?

I watched P.S. I Love You and cried an amazon.

Sheesh.

... to my rather jittery, stumbly foundation to tertiary education.

Remember the tears and wailing when I didn't get to go overseas? I can laugh now. Allah knows best, He does. He made me stay so I could learn a few things about myself. And through this time of personal growth, I am able to make the change. The hardened core of my previously frigid self has melted into pure uncontaminated water and it now flows through my body with the sense of well-being one gets from deriving pleasure by always seeking acceptance in Allah's will.

I am going to wake up at 6.30am, bathe and hopefully do prayers, and then I shall take my exam docket and stationery in their transparent casing, handbag, water, and silence my phone (figuratively haha), and go downstairs to meet the Rainman and have breakfast at the cafe. I am going to smile at him because I know that will get the ever-natural-happiness-inducing endorphins swimming through my bloodstream like dolphins on crack xD We will give words of support to each other and remind ourselves that we've done very well in class with dissecting our theme studies and analysing our characters, with the help of our deviously deviant but actually softhearted lecturer, Ms Angela.

I will remember how I always give original answers and I will not succumb to giving cookie cutter answers ^_^

One hour for comprehension and one hour for the Family-themed essay. Just enough for kick arse originality and marvelous angles to ordinary questions. No bamboozlement.

I will analyse the questions carefully to detect what they want, identify the key words crucial to shaping my sentences, and calmly construct a logical skeleton answer for my essay. My characters will be written with justification and evidence will be elaborated with clarity, in accordance to the text.

And then once the exam is over, I shall whoop with happiness and go to the cinema and watch Angels and Demons with the Rainman =D

Love you.
Night night.

Remember when I cried and cried  when I didn't get a scholarship?

Now I'm crying and crying because I have one and I'm nearly flunking, not because I'm stupid, but because I have such poor time management skills. I come back from camp feeling dead to the world but being tired doesn't mean I should sleep to recover my strength and lessen the chance of getting muscle cramps, but it means I should get back up from my seven day MUFY week (five is already gruelling, only Allah the merciful knows) and be in tiptop condition and be perfect and submit perfect assigments.

I feel like an ugly cheap porcelain vase, with chips in the outer rims of my mouth, and now the cracks are spreading all over my body. Any minute now. Dust will lie where I stood.

Ya Allah, help me. Let me have this strength because I know you are testing me. Just as you give me another one of your hidayah this weekend, you give me this challenge. My faith is always in that line of belief that you will give me a greater reward than good marks for a college english assignment.

I love You, and I will always want to show You, everyday of this life you've gifted me with. I may not be good enough, but whatever You give me will always be good enough for me.

Sofiyah taught me how to hug

It's the most important lesson I've ever learned from another human being

I was trying to find the flaw in her argument.

I lost.

And the pain was too much too bear.

I crumpled.

Just FYI, I didn't take TESL, I'm taking engineering. The workload is killer, but I'm not regretting anything!!!

Just, thanks to everyone who offered me advice. I thought about each of them and took into careful consideration your best wishes and opinions, and after much mulling, I made a decision.

I miss my old friends, drop me a line or call me as often la WEI!!!

Byeeee...